You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize