I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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