Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize