Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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