apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
