You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
