My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
