literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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