How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
