How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
