The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
