Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
