i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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