So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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