exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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