The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
