just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
