Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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