It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
