My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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