my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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