id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
