dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
