I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
