News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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