So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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