After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You made out with two different species that night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
