Already got asked if we're dating
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
