I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was confusing and full of hummus
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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