so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
