i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
