you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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