I'm passing your future prison.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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