My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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