Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
