SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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