next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
These tits shall not be calmed
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