even my farts smell like vagina
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
