too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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