i think my tv is drunk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
