So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
