Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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