You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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