this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize