I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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