This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize