i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
