why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My pussy is not your playground.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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