Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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