You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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