Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
