It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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