He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize