Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm jealous of your bromance
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
