Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
