Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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