i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
