Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize