we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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