Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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