dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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