Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
