i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
