im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
