I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
