Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
