I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
