Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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