Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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