I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
