i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
