We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize